What have we taught them?

I wrote this several years ago, but the recent post of a blog calling into question the sexual orientation of several young girls holding hands reminded me of the issue (I'm sure he wasn't really serious; however...). So, I thought I would take it out, dust it of, tweak it a little, and post it.

When I first came to Korea in 1976, I was amazed, and perhaps shocked (as a Canadian of Scottish descent brought up in a culture where same-sex touching was not common), to see that everyone was touching. Both men and women held hands or walked arm in arm with same-sex friends. In 1983 when I came back, it was still common to find friends closely linked together or drapped all over each other. When people talked, they often seemed to need to be in contact with the person they were talking to. When men shook hands, they often didn't let go until the conversation ended. In returning to Korea in 2002, I was again shocked but this time by the lack of touching.

I recently spoke to a group of middle school teachers about this, and the majority of the teachers said they had been told over and over by western teachers at English language schools that westerners thought that same-sex friends who held hands actually were (or would be perceived to be) homosexuals. These Korean teachers in turn spoke to their young students, and a social change seems to have begun.

As an English teacher, I admit that I have in the past counselled Samsung electrical engineers who were going to the U.S. to study not to hold hands nor to sit on their friends’ knees in a lounge IN THE U.S. I have also explained that the three-second handshake would be much better when shaking hands with westerners than the older Korean custom of shaking hands and not letting go for the duration of the ensuing discussion. I’m horrified now to think that I have contributed to this unhealthy fear of touching that North American culture seems to have. The close and long-lasting bond of Korean friendship often filled me with envy, and I hope that whatever changes occur in Korean society are the result of Koreans’ desire to improve their society, not by some misguided attempt to become western or to avoid offending us. For those of us who are visitors to Korea, perhaps we should remember the adage, “When in Rome, do as Romans do.” If Koreans' touching bothers us, maybe WE need to get over it.